2007 Ghana's Top 10: The ultimate Gala night

This year has been one, pregnant with heart-wrenching issues. The nation clocked 50, and for the sake of prosperity, we cannot just draw curtains on it without rewarding some personalities for their efforts. Though publicity was very low, numerous nominations came flying in. It was a tough decision for the judges to arrive at the final list of top ten. Emphasis was thus placed on current affairs or events that really mattered in 2007.

ABDUL RAUF IBRAHIM TANKO, WBC

Boxing analysts have a penchant for skirting around the truth. Why would they continue to overlook our 'hero' and rain encomiums on Azumah? My man has seven belts to his name. The way he pummelled his colleague (Ahi Sampson) with nasty slaps is not for the faint-hearted. Spectators described it as the greatest mismatch since the Rawlings locked antlers with Kow Arkansen. You simply cannot question his inclusion. Hard-headed critics doff their hats. He earns the award for violating the sacred ethics of his position as Member of Parliament.

DR. WEREKO BROBBEY

He is known in public life as 'Tarzan'. Critics say everything he managed turned into disaster (UGM, VRA, Ghana@50 etc). You cannot envy a man still waiting to be paid ¢2.2b for being eased out of office. He is so kind that he paid NHIS dues for about 1000 people. We are afraid, the Nsawam walls might soon ask him about the 150 kindergarten schools, 10 Jubilee parks, toilets, souvenir dams etc, he promised. Congratulations, for requesting an additional $15m to rearrange the sitting order in a sinking Titanic.

'ENFANT TERRIBLE' KUMASI ATAA AYI

As if by fate or design, the Garden City finally got a shadow of robbery kingpin, Ataa Ayi. His name is Alfred Zieme. No one can behold the spectacle of these two in action without blanching with horror. We bet they surely would shame Ali Baba and the forty thieves. Come on, these guys are worthy 'patriots', they invested their booty in our economy by building restaurants. They even saved the president, time of boarding the next flight for investors. Is this not an award-winning trait?

NDC 'COWARDS':

During counting of votes from the Nkoronza bye-election, for no reason, NDC officials fled ingloriously to some secret hideouts. But Baba Jamal stood his grounds! He never cowed in, when he was made the butt of NPP’s taunts and boos. We hear he is going to enjoy a share of the lottery profit. This award is to complement what the NDC got for walking out of parliament.

NANA AMOAKOH:

It is high time, NPP MPs schooled in the art of iniquity (they can learn from NDC). Why would they allow the skeletons in their cupboards continue to dance? This honourable man only helped himself to more than $1m and they are telling him to face 14 counts. Why? After Amoateng, we cannot afford to lose another MP (Upper East Denkyira) to an American jail. We shed tears!! Don't worry man; you have been inducted into the Hall of Fame for 2007.

P.C APPIAH OFORI and MR GYENI SARPONG:

We are still lost as to why this award-winning, self-appointed anti-corruption crusader would wash his cloth of sins in public. How could he have accused his wife of infecting him with gonorrhea? After being awarded by the GLU (Ghana Leadership Union), we wonder why he would provide enemies with ammunitions. Only few people on this planet have the guts to accept their faults. I wish all politicians would emulate this 'patriot'. He stole about ¢2billion as bursar of Presbyterian Boys Secondary and agreed to pay on a ¢10m monthly- instalment. He deserves an award!

BOAKYE GYAN:

''Ghana owes me an honour for being the only one who had succeeded in acting the love to hold to account constitutional law breakers. who committed high treason by breaking the primary law of Ghana. I deserve acknowledgement and honour, not blame''. This lousy statement emerges tops of 2007. It brings to fore why we must not neglect our 'heroes'. We lift our toast for beating 'DR Boom' to the award.

DRUG-BARONS ('Tagor' and Alhaji Issah Abass)

After 366 days, they have finally put to rest, the saga of the missing 77parcels from M.V Benjamin. To have kept shifting the goal post of verdict best typifies the sorry state of our judicial system. Why was there no confiscation of assets? Why have Sheriff, ACP Kofi Boakye been left off the hook? We deduce that in Ghana, if officials threaten to jail culprits, they retaliate by choosing to unmask big shots in society. Come on guys; take your award before the Nsawam warders come barking.

SEKOU NKRUMAH:

Perhaps, it is one of the firsts in the nation's political history. I wonder why Nkrumahists would want to pound the skull of this man. Did you say he stabbed his father in the back? He perhaps, forgot to consult Maame Dokono for counselling. We would not be amazed, if he is soon infested with the 'boom' virus. It is NEVER the best betrayal of the year. It underscores the fact that, CPP cannot simply make it to the castle, next year.

EDUMADZE:

He is a former employee of the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). He is the president of the billionaire's club (Cape Coast branch). Believe it or hate it, he can feed the nation for forty days and forty nights. The rapidity, with which, he climbed the financial ladder, starts making people wonder if there is a money-tree at his backyard. For in the absence of a disclosure of any inheritance, his fortune remains beclouded in suspicion. Who told you his monies buy him deceptive adulation? He deserves the award for referring to Prof. Evans Atta Mills as a 'chamber pot'. More 'money' to your elbow.

Vote of Thanks:

We thank God for making this programme a success. We thank the chiefs of Ofankor, for funding us with part of the 100m, after the witch-tree rejected their flu-afflicted hens. We also appreciate the efforts of our pastors, even after they had traded spiritual blows with 'witches' at Juaso. The organizers will like to thank Mokossa, Stanvic, and others for their behind the scene efforts. Happy Christmas!!! See you, next year!!!!

Stop-Press We apologise for excluding Dr. Anane from the list. We were afraid of been painted to a corner by the Supreme Court.