Across the Atlantic: Confessions

The title of this column was to be "Great Expectations."

But it isn't.

And this is the first sign of something I've been struggling with for the past few weeks: I am a columnist with nothing to say. Beyond the obvious irony of this sentence, there's a strange truth behind it: since my second submission, "A Letter to Kabral," I've had an unusually hard time articulating myself to you. If you couldn't tell from the meandering tones of my recent essays, I could tell from the hours I spent staring blankly at my computer screen at a loss.

It's not that I couldn't think of an infinite number of topics to dissect, stories to unearth, and experiences to disclose. It's that I felt guilty doing so. After a fourth column that dealt largely with my Do my family, my feelings and my experiences, I began to wonder if I sound self-centered to you? How do you receive my words. Do you think I am self indulgent, spoiled and Americanized? Do my worries and lamentations resonate with you? Do you agree with my opinions?

I don't know the answer to these questions. But I do know that my self-doubt has hampered me from doing what I vowed to do in my first column: deliver thoughtful, inspired and honest essays. I've realized that the first step to this is sticking with what you are passionate about. For me, my family, my feelings, and my personal experiences are and will always be my passion. These are the things I care about most in this world ? and they are what I'll continue to write about. Perhaps ? at only my fifth column ? it's entirely too early for a writers crisis of sorts. But it's never too early to be honest with your self, and that's what I had to do in order to ensure that I fulfilled the promise I made in the beginning.

As I write this, I am preparing for my first trip outside America since I arrived here fifteen years ago. I am on my way to the Dominican Republic for a week long trip with my close friends and former classmates. Look forward to hearing about my experiences when I return.

Till then?

Look out for Zandile's next column "The World Outside." on Tuesday, July 26th

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