African Fathers and Father's Day

We have noticed a great deal of ludicrous men who have taken the title of a "father" quite unjustly upon themselves. These men excite hilarity as their only pride is in the position and not the concomitant duties and responsibilities that come with fatherhood. We could effectively liken them to the condition of enjoying the pomp and pageantry of a position and not doing diddly-squat about the duties of the role. They are comical since they do disregard the reality that paternity is a long journey whose path is strewn with never-ending demands for commitment, love and responsibility. Now that the hubbub of the emergent Father's Day has come and gone, let us shed some light on fathers—we will concentrate on African fathers in this write-up—and find out if a lot of people who thump their chests and arrogate to themselves the meaningless class or new-found status as a father deserve the patriarchal appellation at all—if they have any right to taint the budding Father’s Day.

It is miserable to remark that many people who have become fathers are mere sperm donors in the end. And most unfortunately, this horrendous description is not a preserve of just African fathers but fathers wherever they are found. With most African men, the pregnancy with a girl may have been a sheer accident, out of wedlock and an unfathomable pleasure-seeking spree which went awry. Most of these men stumbled upon fatherhood because, in addition to their wives and fiancées; many of them allowed themselves to be fascinated by the adventure of sexual escapades which would have surpassed those of Tiger Woods, were they as popular as him to warrant some intrusive journalists into their private lives, monitoring their every move and recording their nocturnal libido activities.

Consequently, many a man has had children out of wedlock because of some of the reasons of accidental one-night stands, bizarre satyriasis and the sheer desire and fun to acquire concubines. Professor Mills has recently come under public scrutiny about a so-called out-of-wedlock child. Rawlings, and almost every public figure, including ex-president Kufuor, has been accused in a similar fashion. In Europe and the US, it has always happened when very prominent people in society have— on impulse and out of adventure and the desire to fall prey to their concupiscent urge—made unwanted babies with very credulous mothers. It must also be said that sometimes, some of the mothers have served open invitations to men who are ready to enjoy their “booties” and pour their seeds into any holes without thinking about the consequences of their actions. These irresponsible men for whom giddiness is both a watchword and an undeviating motto, forget that the seeds they plant in the bosom of these women—whether they were lured or they sought adventure— can and will gestate one day to expose their underhand sexual affairs.

However, many of these men who become or want to be known as fathers refuse to grow up and accept liability for their nebulous actions. It must be recorded that we are not in any way claiming to be perfect; but we understand that when errors are made, the floundering people should hold their hands up rather than taking some ridiculously immoral stances by feigning knowledge for their actions—an attitude which is quite prevalent in many fathers. Therefore as aforementioned, we find it incomprehensible when sperm-sprinkling idiots evade their responsibilities when what they have sown has grown to expose their hidden activities. This normally arises from the acrimony and mortification their secret accomplishments convey; which is why they express anger, brainless regrets and then, they cap it by rejecting the offspring which emanates from their three-minute pleasures. Does anyone wonder why there are so many fatherless children in this world and particularly Africa? With the exception of those who become orphans because their conscientious, loving and doting fathers die early, many fathers utterly and blatantly refuse to accept their out-of-wedlock children. How many times have we not heard people intimating that some prominent person is their father who refused to care for them? The lurid insensitivity which some of these fortuitous fathers display at law courts to prove that they are not answerable to pregnancies is quite repugnant! In most cases, Nature has always demonstrated it does not connive by giving the man in question a baby which is anything but his photocopy!

But the irony of the whole situation is when these men come back to lay some tenuous claims to these progeny who were once outcasts. This happens when they detect that; the hopeless bastard they brought into the world has—by a freak and unnatural twist of Providence—prospered. There have been many examples of semi-orphans and fatherless children who have been blessed to the utmost infamy and derision of their fathers that; the once proud men who did not want to know anything about the so-called illegitimate children have been diffidently forced to go back and ask for reprieve. There was the recent media hype concerning Michael Essien and his apparent neglect of his father. Rumours abound regarding the fact that his father decided to use his money wisely on alcohol and the fairer sex. This is just information being churned out by the rumour mill and as such, we may only know the truth from the two horses’ own mouths but we cannot downplay the recurrence of numerous real-life stories a la the Essien saga which support our contention.

Besides, many of these fathers have always belittled the girls they have impregnated by accident. This is why they express the rather senseless resentment, the gibberish regret and then refusal of their own blood. Parents of some of these fathers will normally want to disown their children for engaging in illicit sexual activities with girls who could be better described as riff-raffs par excellence. The fear for this sort of denunciation coerces them into making every effort to deny responsibility for the pregnancy even when it has been proven beyond all misgivings. Some of them will idiotically placate themselves by not looking after the child they bring into this world because they feel superior to the girls they impregnated. To them, having any sort of affiliation (sexual connection especially) with such a woman is an affront to their high-class standards. But as men, we must realise that if one is a graduate and decides to have fun with some poor groundnut seller, the graduate either brings himself to the level of the poor girl or elevates the girl to his status. Thus, he should definitely acknowledge whatever happens after the sexual pleasure whether there be an unwanted baby or not.

The African father has an extreme obsession with many things but with his wife and children. The things which preoccupy the minds of African men are the lottery (how they can win cheap money), palm wine in public places coupled with the dexterous game of draughts, football, almighty politics and most unfortunately women—in spite of the fact that they may have two or more wives already and with a countless number of girlfriends. The African father is both interesting and humorous. Pay a visit to the palm-wine selling place and you could be addicted to the place at once! Usually, the palm wine selling place is a wall-less dirty hut roofed with thatch which possesses a synthetically invincible stench of palm wine. Going hand-in-hand with that intoxicating liquid which also produces the most potent liquor known by the alias of "akpeteshi" and many other droll monikers is the game of draughts. It is always said that chiefs should not play this game and we all know why. Some fathers can spend the whole day playing this game, quaffing the potent whitish liquor which is extracted from the palm tree while casting outrageous insinuations and innuendos, very effective insults and contemptible revelations of offensive secrets. When you happen to have skeletons in your cupboard, do not go playing this game as the keys to those cupboards are kept with members of this all-important drinking-cum-gaming committee.

The next fixation of African men is the different workings and permutations of the National Gambling Machinery, to wit, the lottery. Most of them are as conversant with this game as they are with the palms of their hands. The mental sharpness of the African man denotes his mathematical prowess when it comes to predicting the lotto numbers—a feat which only Nature can explain! Just in case they are not at work, not watching football, drinking the indefatigable palm wine or bickering about politics, these fathers are speculating on the possible outcome of the lotto numbers. The lottery paper makes me think that Ghanaian fathers should be invited to the World Mathematics Association, if any such group exists. Even the most illiterate of African men can sit, work out and possibly forecast the right numbers. They could write their own Mathematics books based on the National Lottery. From where they are able to get the formulae, only their Intelligent Quotient can tell but it works! We may safely intimate that most of them have got the IQ of Colin Powell when it comes to this gambling game.

Not belabouring the point on women, we will take on the next passion of African men. And it is sports! Football is almost the epicentre of African fathers’ lives. Ask them about football and they can give you very accurate information about the inception of the World Cup, all the different Leagues in the world, the names of all the best players in the world including those who have won the FIFA World Player of the Year Award, the numerous winners of the Golden Boot Award including players' biographies. They can tell you about the number of kilometers per hour Pele's shot travelled in a World Cup match and the size of Ronaldo's boots. Yet, these fathers are in a continent where half of the men do not know their daughters’ birthdays or their wedding anniversaries. We can state on authority that the behaviour of these men is not dictated by the lack of brilliance. The simple grounds for our argument stems from the fact that these men can recite the Bible by heart, tell with impressive precision the width of the River Nile, enumerate all the capital cities and population of every country in the world; not forgetting their expert knowledge about presidents of the United States from Washington to Obama. But, we lament the social disconnection from their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters and in some cases even from their fellow men.

Dejectedly, men in general do not know what to do with children. Scores of African men have the vigour and the sexual drive to father an entire village of children, but they seldom know how to raise those children. Showing up at their children’s Graduation Day, Sports Day or even taking their children to the hospital is regarded as a frivolous expedition. African fathers inherit this character trait from their parents and progenitors. They have no idea what it means to be hugged or loved by their own fathers and so they accept this as part of their tradition which must not be toyed with under any circumstances. This is why we would like to question African men’s insatiable craving for education. An African man has more university degrees than an American, European or Japanese by foraging and combing the world for the best type of edification. They have detached themselves from social networks and relocated thousands of miles away in pursuit of education. But, the real question is what has that education done for Africa? Some men in Africa have a dozen degrees; scores of diplomas, a shedload of certificates and multiple PhDs. However, education for most African men has become an inopportune tool for daunting others and transforming them into braggarts rather than giving them an inner emancipation. One of the reasons why the Nobel Prize has fewer Africans and more Europeans and Americans is that Africans are still doing their theses while the others are in the laboratory and on the ground practising what they have learnt.

At this juncture, we would like to request for the highest esteem for womanhood. We do not want to accept the erroneous impression that, asking one’s wife how her day was is more cumbersome than asking her if dinner is ready. Many are the men who demand respect but forget that respect actually thrives on the law of reciprocity. The only time most men show respect to their wives is when they are in the presence of their wives’ relatives. They are very good at name-calling as long as those words are not sweetheart, sweetie, love, sugar, baby or honey. In effect, they treat women like slaves. Therefore, we will entreat African fathers to learn to communicate with their wives, children and neighbours. Speaking only when angry is what results in yelling. And being able to say sorry to only an officer of the law is never a civilized way of being a man. For lack of respect, some men compel their wives to work until their faces wrinkle; until their hands blister; until they have no desire to look beautiful to anyone. And when they have succeeded in achieving their nefarious endeavour, they turn around to hound a very lazy gold-digger whose unmistakable splendour stems from her doing no work at all.

Nevertheless, this article is not an indictment on all African men. Africa has produced some fine men, great scholars and parents who have contributed to the welfare of society. We can enthusiastically mention Nkrumah, Danquah, Mandela, Annan, Lumumba, Kenyatta, Soyinka, Achebe, Toure, Boigny, etc. These men have liberated Africa from its historic shackles; they have fought imperial powers that colonised not only the continent, but the African mind. We express our profound and heartfelt gratitude to these men. We are appealing to African men to put away their extreme views of politics away a bit and monitor how the proponents and inventors of Democracy conduct politics. If the passion African men put in their football and politics is the same zeal they put in their women, they would be the yardstick for measuring other men. Human rights in Africa are just another academic work. Children across Africa are still child soldiers, street children and “child parents”. All this while, African leaders—majority of whom are men—fly around in luxury, disconnected from society, content with the misuse of power with impunity. Systems in Africa abuse women and children but celebrate mediocre men who are otherwise called politicians. These same systems ridicule men who appear like women only because these men care and are connected with their gentle side.

We do not intend to malign or attack anyone; we only mean to open a dialogue that African men have shelved for decades. We would like to remind these men that times have changed and it is time they addressed this area of their lives. The ceaseless cries of women have regrettably been deafened by the bouncing echoes of the successes of these men. Or is it really success? Fathers' Day should be celebrated but it should only be in honour of those who fulfill their fatherly duties so that it can also gain the same eminence like the hitherto debauched Valentine's Day. We are not offering any suggestions on how to become a good father as we believe African men know the right thing but lack the courage. Consequently, we want to encourage them. We have a philosophy that every boy or man can be a dad but it takes a great man to attain the level of fatherhood. We do not dispute that good fathers do exist in Africa but the trouble is they are the exception rather than the rule. This explains why we are optimistic this article will spark a discourse that will positively affect the next generation so that they are better than the current one.

Thomas Dickens ([email protected]/www.thomasdickens.blogspot.com).