Coming From America: A Letter To President Mills

Dear Mr. President,
I am writing to officially welcome you from your successful medical pilgrimage to the USA. I know you are probably upset with me because I was not at the airport to meet you. I was very busy in town running around as usual struggling to find a job. Yes I still have not found a job but I believe you when you say you are praying for me and I know pretty soon your prayers will be answered. That is just by the way. I have heard stories about the number of people who were at the airport to meet you. I always knew the people of Ghana loved you and am not surprised they expressed it in such a historic way. I hear all your ministers laid down their tools to meet you? That is quite remarkable. Please do not pay attention to those complaining about this rather commendable gesture from your hard working ministers. After all they were at the airport for only two hours or so.
These opposition guys talk too much, am sure they were just overwhelmed by the crowd. They are probably wondering- if this number of people welcomed you just because you returned from a ‘routine’ checkup, then how many people will welcome you if you decide to go for treatment. This is an election year and you can understand why the opposition will find everything wrong with anything you do. As an astute politician am sure you understand this better than I do. I know you will find this funny, some people say that you do not look any better after your check up. Why would anyone expect you to look better after a checkup? From what I know, you can only look or feel better after treatment not a routine checkup, these guys just don’t get it. But I can understand them, they obviously are not aware that you suffer chronic Pteromerhanophobia- fear of flying. Hence your rather unusual sickening countenance before departure and upon your arrival.
How is President Obama doing anyway, is he also thinking about going for a routine check up before the elections? I guess not, I learnt the US is quite broke these days, they probably can’t afford it. You are indeed a very lucky and pampered president.
Mr. President I know I do not perhaps qualify as your son to advice you, but knowing your gentle and pious nature I am sure you will not take offence. First of all Mr. President, in my view you may have to take a second look at the people you work with at the castle and in government. This morning, your party chairman Dr. Kwabena Adjei was on Oman fm authoritatively stating that the rumors of your death were generated by big wigs in your own party. I believe this is a very alarming development- it looks like some of your own people stand to benefit from your demise. There are even rumors that your vice president wore a broad smile when you were addressing the media before your departure. I am not insinuating anything, you know I hate to speculate (but have you heard Sekou urging the vice president to contest because you are sick?). But I do not blame him (Mr. Mahama), like I have mentioned to you before, I think you have given him too much power.
In as much as I agree that accusing the opposition for generating the rumors of your death is good for propaganda and also for political gains, I am beginning to look at the broader picture- some of your people indeed see your death as an opportunity to lunch their presidential ambitions. Its obvious that the timing of the rumors and your departure to the USA is not a mere coincidence, somebody close to you is certainly culpable. I watched you jog at the airport and I am in no doubt that you amassed enough energy to deal with these traitors.
I would like to end my letter here Mr. President, but since we are in the era of rumors, have you heard that Mr Rawlings’ only son is getting married to one of Akuffo Addo’s daughters? I do not believe this but whatever it is we should pray that this wedding does not come off before the elections. There are also rumors that the Rawlingses are about unveiling their own party. Am sure this will put a smile on your face, you didn’t believe me when I told you that we will have the last laugh. Mr. Rawlings can call you whatever he wants- ungrateful, selfish or a traitor. Just take solace in the words of Niccolo Machiavelli- “A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be against his interest”.

Your Nephew
Kwame Yeboah
[email protected]
kyeboah.blogspot.com

PS: I have had to withhold very incriminating evidence against some of your people. This has become necessary after your complaint to me that you suspect some people at the castle have been reading your letters before they decide either to hand them over to you or not. I don’t want to be victimized. I will rather I tell you in person when we meet at our ‘base’.