Ghanaians and Love in the Diaspora

My childhood memories of love in Ghana, was often surrounded by picturesque moments that extends far beyond any figment of one’s imagination. These moments are so intrinsically delicate, I close my eyes at night surrounded by darkness, yet the eyes of my heart and soul become illuminated by those moments as my mind replays every single glimpse over and over again. Good old Ghanaian Love! Its inconsistencies and innocence are what makes relationships in Ghana unique, silly yet aesthetically beautiful. It wasn’t always the Shakespearean existential clichés of affection, but always pure and untainted. Practically on a given day it will be me hiding behind the trees just to see Afrakoma pass by, just so I can catch a glimpse of her, or sometimes the whistle over their walls for Rukaya to come out and just smile and go back. I knew it wasn’t much, but her smile her innocence and often her body language tells me of her affection for me even though she sparingly complains of how busy she is doing the dishes, she pretends to be intimidated, yet her bright eyes and dimples gives it all away. How about Uncle Eshun coming home with a dance he screams calling his wife Ewuraa Afuaaaa! Come dance with me my love!!! I received my pay! This is what gave me a solid foundation about love extraordinaire when it comes to relationships respect and the will to sacrifice for the other half

Decades later, tons of physical, mental and sociological changes, Here I am in North America, the centerfold of modern aesthetics, akin to pleasures that our eyes crave for beauty, lust and the unblinking eyes of our hearts that craves for good Ghanaian “Odo” roasted, deep fried, oven baked, marinated and stir fried direct from the motherland. Being a Ghanaian I considered myself incredibly lucky! Woa!! To be a man capable of being with a Ghanaian woman after all the Diaspora will not change our existential traits, it is who we are right?? … Wrong!! Skepticism has set in when it comes to the very beautiful Ghanaian relationships that I cherished so much, wonder why? Well Its all because of what happened, what’s about to happen, and what is probably happening on every given night…in North America.

On a beautiful night in one North American city, the city lights shone and sparkled in the dark and twilights filled the air. The mood was far from the stressful atmosphere that often gazes upon the city. It was as if the dark clouds, the lights and the entire constellation were smiling at the city. In unison with this very mood, there is a birthday party within the Ghanaian community “Ofori” is a man on a mission; he is out on the prowl. “Dressed to kill”, he finishes up with an intoxicating cologne that will melt the hearts of any woman who he comes into contact with. This is the time he comes out to “fish”. He laments on his choice to just meet someone and if he is lucky he might “get laid”, or at least get some form of contact for future engagement with his night’s catch. He makes every effort to present himself as an able independent, loving and caring man. So why isn’t he married but rather roaming from one party to the other in search of women? Analytically “Ofori” is a wounded bird, jumping from tree to tree-hoping to engage in other forms of love will catalyze time to heal his concealed wound. “Ofori” was in love with Martha whom he sponsored from Ghana to join him start life love all over. But Martha with time became blinded by the lights glitz glamour of life in North America her beauty that was hidden by socio-economic factors in Ghana sprung up!, she had the freedom to shop, try out different styles and fashion.. With time “Ofori” became unfit to be her lifelong mate, so she left him after all she has become a sophisticated modern woman, her charisma and open-mindedness is far beyond “Ofori’s reach! As the night continues “Ofori’ seems to be chatting with a beautiful University student…I had to leave him alone, but shifting our focus about 40 kilometers away in a beautiful sunny apartment lies “Wofa” and “Adjoa”, as they engage in a electrifying erotic make out. The chemistry is impeccable here is the tale of the tapes.

Name: Wofa

Age: 42

Marital Status: Married 4 children

Reason for Cheating: well, you know after 20 years of marriage since my wife an I moved to Aburokyire things are not the same anymore, she just sleeps snores, my suggestion of lingerie and display of affection is always shut down, she always responds “look am not like those white people” so I couldn’t resist Ajoa’s openness to me it’s a breath of fresh air… but don’t misunderstand me….” I do love my wife the mother of my children”, He adds.

Name; Adjoa

Age: 28

Marital Status: Well…. married sort of single.

Reason for cheating: Well I don’t consider this cheating she, I am married my husband is in Ghana. We have tried so many times his papers never seem to be coming through and looking at the way Ghana is heading I don’t feel like going back, I tried holding it back but cant take it anymore. I don’t want to just break the relationship because of distance. Unfortunately you know sometimes your body calls for…she smiles you know what I mean. One cannot hold it in anymore, so all I have with Wofa is a “no string attached” affair; she shrugs her shoulders and continues with their act.

On the streets of the city a bevy of Ghanaian ladies are on their way home from a night out. Bursting in spontaneous laughs and wild chats they reminisce of the night. They are part of a growing number of women who represent a certain part of this web of love within the Diaspora. They were once married to Ghanaians however, they feel they are not subject to constant verbal abuse, argument over who should do the cooking even though both man and woman all do 9to 5 shifts. They seek liberation from the constant outbursts over the other spending too much on useless items whiles bills pile up. To them Ghanaian men in the Diaspora carry too much baggage; therefore they are better off single. Meanwhile few blocks away, “Ayiku” is in a rush skipping traffic lights; aggressively ignoring pedestrians whiles convincing Rex to stop crying, as he rushes him to the nearest McDonalds restaurant. After Rex the baby constantly screaming and driving him to the wall” he throws his hands in the air speaks his native Ga “Gbeke ne Ogbaa inaa koraaaa tson!! Meaning (this child you bother and give me too much of a hard time!!).”Ayiku” represents a section of Ghanaian men married to “white women” and subsequently having children. For various reasons could be for “Crataaa” (no explanation here) or others share the sentiments that they give less problem than our own Ghanaian people. “Ayiku” discusses the only thing is, finances she is “chisel” and my Gosh!! She smokes like a chimney!! Things certainly didn’t turn out the way he had wanted. In fact many at time he wishes he was with a Ghanaian lady, so they can talk about the good old days back home, the wife prepare some “Ga Komi ke shito”(Kenkey and shito) after a while the spaghetti, and the rice becomes too repetitive.

Down the street in a back alley, “Sister Abena” hurriedly counts a stash of money one by one, taking another stash from her bra and the other from her purse. Her eyes begins to tear as she gets to the last note…. Weeping like a baby she questions herself how long could this go on? Never in her wildest imaginations will she ever had seen herself as a…. prostitute… whispering in her mind she finds it hard to pronounce the word. A choice for shameless pimps, Her eyes are round brown and glitters in the dark.. a woman of infinite African uniqueness. Her skin is smooth slippery and dark contrast like a blessed tribe from Northern Ghana. Her cheeks, forehead, and her overall body stature is solid yet vivaciously intricate as an Ashanti lady. Her lips, naturally bright teeth with curvature and a gap that sing adorations, enchantments and a smile that resemble the charm of a Fante woman. As her tears dries on her pretty face she walks away as her body swings to the rhythm of the wind like a GA, or an EWE princess dancing to the tunes that sings praises of her culture.

As she reaches her apartment she hears a familiar sound, the sound of Mr. And Mrs. “Q”. Mrs. “Q” being abused by her husband once again. As she screams she fears calling the police.. Her husband has sponsored her to North America, and this sponsorship ordeal is like a card he boasts and flashes as often as it snows every winter season.

On this beautiful night in North America, the cry of “sister Abena’, the moans of Adjoa, the shouts of joy as “Ofori” gets a girl, and the screams of Mr. Q all form a strange yet delicate tune as the swirling wind and breeze blows on the streets bringing the night to an end. The sound they create becomes louder than every other sound I hear and throws me into a dichotomy that I struggle to decipher. This journey about this night may have been captures through a mental lens but lets not get distracted… it is happening if you don’t fall into any of the category.. Then look around you take a closer look.. You might see. Wonder why I exhibit skepticism in the Love I was built on within our people in the Diaspora? I will proceed to turn on my light as it begins to rain heavily outside. Certainly my mental journey is over its up to you to reflect on my discoveries.

Kofi Mensah (Abrumpah).

Views expressed by the author(s) do not necessarily reflect those of GhanaHomePage.