Our Idiot Must Be Protected From The Butchers

By Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr.,

I knew it was only a matter of time before the NDC Abongo Boys caught up, once more, with the nihilist. Oh yes, I knew it was only a matter of time before this Tarzan idiot, with a capitalized "I," hoisted with his own petard, in Marlovian parlance. As they say, he had become too big for his hand-me-down breeches. Whatever problems he may have fancied himself to have with the presidential candidate of the New Patriotic Party (NPP), Dr. Charles Wereko-Brobbey is no classmate of Nana Akufo-Addo's; not by any stretch of the imagination. And the only brother I have who is the same age as Tarzan is a nuclear physicist with a second doctorate in computer science. So, really, Tarzan was woefully under-qualified when the then-President John Agyekum-Kufuor named the burly SOB to the rather oversized post of Chief Executive Officer of the Volta River Authority.

Predictably, Tarzan was shortly discovered to be the catastrophic equivalent of a Doll House, in Ibsenian speak. He, reportedly, spent a considerable chunk of the budgetary allocation for the Authority that ought to have been wisely and constructively invested in the smooth and uninterrupted operation of the single-largest energy provider in himself. His faultingly patient boss would tolerate this abject mess of a braggadocio for quite a while and then swiftly dispatch him with lightning speed. Alas, that was merely in preparation for another sinecure.

And that sinecure, of course, was to serve as head of the Ghana@50 Secretariat. The latter office was charged by the Kufuor presidency with managing the festivities, and activities, marking the Golden Jubilee of Ghana's declaration of its sovereignty from British colonial rule. Those who were on the ground do not have much that is either savory or edifying to say about the way and manner in which the entire program was designed, organized and executed. It was strikingly akin to a profligate spending on the construction of a proverbial white-elephant statue. And a veritable white elephant of a scam the entire affair definitely was. And predictably, time has tightened its legal noose around the oaken neck of the man popularly called Tarzan of the Apes. Interestingly, his accolade is often and routinely left out of the bargain.

Yes, almighty time has finally caught up with this moral reprobate, as he nervously told Mr. Kojo Oppong-Nkrumah, host of the Super Morning Show, on Joy-Fm this past Monday, August 19, 2013. The man seemed about to defecate in his pants, as he dourly let on the latest political dog-fight of his life to Mr. Oppong-Nkrumah; actually, it is a veritable fight of his life that could well end up with Tarzan being viciously slammed into the medium-security walls of Nsawam, otherwise known as the Kwame Nkrumah Institute of Moral and Ideological Re-Education. And it will perfectly serve him right if he eventually ends up where President John Dramani Mahama ought to be profitably and pensively be spending the rest of his life, if credible reports of him having been put under the investigative radar by his late boss, the former Legon law school professor, are to be believed.

It clearly appears that the obnoxiously self-important Dr. McNasty never saw the bold and garish handwriting on the wall; which is why he kept ferociously stabbing at the air and pretending to be dealing Nana Akufo-Addo the deadliest blows of his political career. And, of course, amidst all such silly excitement, Tarzan got ironically decked on the chin. "Off to China!" he muttered under his breath in abject self-resignation. Yes, that is the name of the game - abject self-resignation!

In the main, Tarzan is being recalled by the Appau Commission on Judgment Debts to answer some "Seventeen specific questions," regarding exactly how he doled out the people's money in celebration of the nation's half-century birthday anniversary. These are questions he has successfully evaded before an Accra Fast-Track High Court (See "Tarzan Faces Judgment-Debt Commission Over Ghana@50 Payments" VibeGhana.com 8/19/13). His especial dilemma here is that "answering specific questions" is the pet peeve of Dr. McNasty. He would rather be sneeringly peppering his political arch-rivals and opponents with such annoying questions as: "When did you last have sex with Mrs. Joyce Wereko-Brobbey?" Such peeping-tom questions obviously sound too private and unpardonably lurid.

Still, to his credit, must be acknowledged the fact that McNasty is not nearly half as donkey-stupid as he is often made out to be. The guy is actually admirably cunning and devious. Not very long ago, for instance, he even attempted to cajole Mr. Mahama into naming him his Chief Advisor on Dumsonomic Affairs and nearly succeeded in conning the ultimate con-man of the National Democratic Congress. And then just last week, Tarzan published a rather jejune article praising Justice William Atuguba for deftly poising himself to deliver the most crushing blow to the presidential ambitions and political career of Nana Akufo-Addo, just as Mr. Atuguba, JSC, had done to Mr. Kwame Pianim, Tarzan's clansman and hero.

For Tarzan, it clearly appears that if Justice Atuguba's entire judicial career is to have a climactic and worthwhile objective, then immitigably crushing the "poisonous" presidential ambitions of Nana Akufo-Addo ought to be the foremost objective. Still, in spite of this unremitting ill-will of Tarzan's towards Nana Akufo-Addo, charity and character demand that the man be opportunely protected against his own crass and abject stupidity and the craven cowardliness of the key operatives of the so-called National Democratic Congress.

And so, yes, it is worth warning Mr. Mahama to hands off Tarzan, the prodigal bastard son of the Danquah-Busia-Dombo school of authentic Ghanaian democrats.

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*Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr., Ph.D.
Department of English
Nassau Community College of SUNY
Garden City, New York
August 19, 2013.
E-mail: [email protected]
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