[email protected]: Nana’s Pissing Palaver

I am sure by now Nana Akuffo Addo and his campaign team are probably wondering and asking themselves: why did they even have to stop to see the Yagbonwura? After all that was not part of their original schedule. But hey, the truth is when you are in politics in Gh you cannot win all the battles. If Nana Addo had insisted on his agreed schedule and refused to stop, the headline would have been: NANA ADDO SNUBS YAGBONWURA or better still NANA ADDO SNUBS GONJAS. That’s how politics is playing out in Gh today.
For the avoidance of doubt, I can bet my last cedi that Nana Addo did not piss on/by/in/at/beside a mosque but who cares. Those who want to believe that the guy will do it will believe. The guy is too smart to do anything like that. He grew up in Nima, Accra and probably hangs out with more Muslims than the average Ghanaian Christian. He is a seasoned politician, accomplished lawyer, former AG and Foreign Affairs Minister. How many Ghanaians fit this bill? I am sure he knows what’s up when it comes to respecting the religious principles of the Muslim. But again who cares about the illogic in the screaming headlines these days.
I am also sure his aides will also be wondering; why at all did Nana Addo have to piss in Damango? Again if he had refused to piss where he was told to piss, the head line will be: Nana Addo feels too big to piss in Damango.
But my interest in this story is not whether he pissed on, beside, at or in a mosque. We have become so “serious” and partisan with our politics that we fail to see the humour in some of these stories and how they are reported. More importantly we fail to see the human interest and social development implications of some these stories. My first reaction to the story was to laugh much like the story of Jerry John stealing ‘koose’ in Ashiaman. I am however, surprised no one is asking why in 2011 there is no portable toilet, urinal or water closet toilet at the Yagbonwura’s palace for his visitors.
For those who do not know who he is, the Yagbonwura is the overlord of the Gonja traditional area. He is the overlord of the tribe with probably the largest land space in Ghana next to the Asantehene. The Gonja people are in West Gonja (Damango), East Gonja (Salaga), Central Gonga (Buipe), Bole and Sawla Districts. He is the traditional overlord of the number two man in Gh, Vice President John Mahama. (I am wondering; where does the Veep piss when he visits the King?). The Gonjas are also affiliated with the Efutus and Awutus in Central Region, Akwapen Guans or Larteh in Eastern Region, Krachis in Volta Region. These tribes together make up the Guan ethnic/linguistic group. His influence cuts across Ghana: north, south, east and west. And this is the chief or King that Nana Addo went to pay homage to and could not get a place to piss inside so had to come out and piss with all the resultant politico-religious implications. If there is no “proper” place of convenience in the palace, one can imagine what is happening in the average household.
This situation is not restricted to only Damango. It is symptomatic of the whole country where visiting a public place of convenience is a real nightmare; whether in Accra, Kumasi, Tamale, Tolon, or Sehwi Wiawaso. It is common to see “DO NOT URINIATE HERE” written usually in red paint on walls all over the country and the place will be stinking badly with urine. When people cannot read, how do you expect them to understand and adhere to this warning?
Pissing in Gh is a real big deal depending on how you look at it. It is not easy to get a place to piss when you leave your home and that is if you are lucky to have a toilet in your home. Try looking for a place to piss in Madina Market (Accra) or Asafo Market (Kumasi). Go to most of the area drinking spots or bars all over the country and try getting a piss.
A few years ago during the Ghana @50 celebrations, we were promised that public toilets will be constructed with rest stops on the major highways in Ghana but it is not easy finding one on the major roads let alone the Damango road. If these had been done, I am sure Nana Addo and his team would have done their thing before getting to the palace. I am positive that having travelled the length and breadth of Gh campaigning, Nana Addo would have pissed along the highways many times. Just like we all do. He has a good shot at becoming the next president of Ghana and so if for nothing his Damango pissing experience should guide him in ensuring that the Ghana@50 toilet strategy is implemented.
Another aspect of the story is that after pissing, Nana Addo allegedly did not wash his hands and went ahead to greet the people there. And I am asking myself what’s the big deal with that. That’s what we all do in Gh. It is a common sight on the highways to see busses parked and women and men doing their thing in the bush. The women have a style of creating some privacy with their cover cloths and standing to piss. The white women can’t figure out how to do that (Just like they can’t figure out how our womenfolk carry stuff on their heads without holding it). I am sure it’s an innate skill. The men may be seen shaking something vigorously in front of their flaps (Doesn’t the law against indecent exposure cover incidents like that? I need education). Who cares about washing hands after that? And why shouldn’t Nana Addo greet the people because he just pissed and hasn’t washed his hands? Can you imagine the headline if he had said; folks I cannot greet you because I have not washed my hands
A few months ago I was on the State Transport Corporation (STC) bus from Tamale to Kumasi. About 10 miles to Kintampo, where the bus was scheduled to stop for passengers to do their thing and the driver take a break; the driver stopped the bus and said he wanted to piss. He also invited the passengers to join him if they so wished. I was already irritated because the air condition had broken down enroute and the driver kept picking passenger on the way. When I confronted him, in my “too know” he said; my brother, if we piss in the bush here it is free. In Kintampo, you have to pay to piss. Who was I to argue with such logic? Passengers joined him, came back, no washing of hands, we got to Kintampo, people bought food to eat and no prior washing of hands. Then we are surprised that cholera is still in Gh.
As I said, Nana Addo has a good shot at being a president in 2013. I am hesitant to declare public support for him, because people I support in elections don’t usually win. But I believe in some of the guy’s policy theories and ideas. His overriding vision to transform Ghana syncs with me. Our country needs a complete transformation and little things like having a national pissing strategy and changing our pissing etiquette will go a long way to engender good health.

Kofi Yoofi
[email protected]