Stereotypes – We Must Have A Good Laugh At Our Own Expense

Years after her seven-year relationship came to an end, she was ready to move on. She wanted a life partner, a man who would become the father of her future children. Said gentleman had to possess the usual attributes: smart, kind, a bit reserved, sensitive – but not too sensitive – romantic and respectful. Most crucially, he had to have roots in Ghana.

Her preference was a man from Northern Ghana. As she sat in traffic and daydreamed about her future plans, she imagined her brother asking: “Why must the man be from the North?” And she would answer thusly: “Because men from that part of Ghana tend to be extremely tall and good looking.” She continued waxing quixotically about her son having the height to play in the NBA. A son she would name after her brother, Asante!

The former – bearing the first name of his uncle, and surname name of his father – would be known as Asante Ibrahim Alhassan. Sportscasters would rave that they have not seen talent of Alhassan’s caliber since Michael Jordan. In the realm of sports, it would often be said that Asante Alhassan must definitely thank his father for his genetic makeup, for had he been vertically challenged, he could not have become the star athlete that he is.

Her brother’s voice chimed in again: “You know you’ll have to convert to Islam, right? And, you’ll have to consent to him having multiple women.” She would then state: “Today’s man of Northern descent differs from Northern men of yore – the former does not place emphasis on a woman’s religion. Moreover, he’s content with having just one woman in his life.” “That’s what they say, but wait until you get involved with a man of Northern descent, then you will see,” he added. “Well, I do not want religion and polygamy to become an albatross in my relationship, so I guess I’ll look elsewhere,” she thought.

If her future son is not going to have the height to make it into the NBA, then, he will need the brains to become a Rhodes Scholar. So, she will seek a man with roots in the Volta Region. She can just envision the headlines: “Asante Dzorkpe, the world-renowned scientist, whose discovery has changed humanity forever, is the Albert Einstein of our time! His parents – who hail from Ashanti and Volta regions of Ghana – must be brimming with pride!” newspapers would report.

In the midst of reverie, she could hear the nagging voice of one of her friends – a medical student at Johns Hopkins – saying: “Forget about an Ewe man; they are evil and too engrossed in voodooism.” She would then respond, “As a medical student, such silly beliefs ought to be beneath your dignity. But if you believe that a fellow human being has the spiritual power to influence your life’s journey, then you do not deserve to live.”

She tries to refocus her thoughts on positive things but a conversation she had with her Aunt kept echoing in her mind: “No matter how loyal you are to an Ewe man, he will eventually leave you for an Ewe woman.” “Auntie, that’s just a stereotype!” “It’s not!” her Aunt exclaimed, “it happened to your cousin Nana Afia, remember?” “Oh, please! that relationship was long dead before the Ewe girl came into the picture. Nana Afia knew her marriage was over but she held on hoping that things would get better,” she retorted. “You think you have an answer for everything, but wait until you dedicate your life to a man only for him to desert you simply because you do not have Voltarian roots,” her Aunt would emphasize.

She found herself thinking: “Even if there is a smidge of truth to my Aunt’s assertion, as a woman in American society, the judicial system is tilted in my favor. So, the man can leave me for an Ewe woman if he wants to. By the time I put him through the rigmarole of the Family Court ‘apparatus,’ he won’t even want to look at another woman ever again!” Her conscience then kicked in: “Would I really use my children – via the legal system – to exact revenge on their father? Ideally no; but should the occasion arrive, I am not certain that I will have the grace to refrain from such tactics.”

So what are her other options? She searched her brains but her Aunt’s voice was relentless: “Why don’t you give Osei a chance. You know he has built a house in Kumasi and another in his hometown.” “Yes, I know, Osei-Tutu never ceases to speak of his mansions, so yes, I know!” she said sarcastically. Her Aunt then continued: “Well, if you know all of this, then why aren’t you giving in to him?”

The Ashanti man is her father, brother(s) and uncle(s). They are ambitious and hard working, and what woman wouldn’t want that? She pictures her children’s excitement as they shuttle between their father’s mansions in the Garden City and his ancestral home – just as she used to do when she was little. She loves her Ashanti “brothas” to death, but she perceives them to be incredibly arrogant – they seem to have a superiority complex.

Additionally, in an effort to woo women with their accomplishments, these men often come across as braggarts. She is aware that they have raised impressive homes in Ghana, and that while vacationing there, they cruise around in luxury European vehicles. She is proud of them for working hard to realize their dreams. But, please, she cannot bear another minute of their self-aggrandizing stories! So how can she give in to Osei-Tutu?

All right, what about a Fanti man? Fanti men are deemed worldly-wise, romantic, and sophisticated. But to her, they appear to be too enamored with Western lifestyles and ideologies. And for a woman who refuses to cut the umbilical cord from Mother Ghana, this could pose a problem. It was a man of Fanti lineage who intimated to her that he has no intention of giving his tykes any “local names.” And that he could care less whether they had a good command of his native tongue.

Nonetheless, she was interested in meeting a man of Fanti descent, for she had also been told that Fanti men are honest. That is until, her friend, Esi explained to her that men of Fanti origin are not honest, but rather brutally honest! For example, if you got your hair done and it was not aesthetically pleasing, he would not mince words. If you wore an ensemble that made you look like a pregnant hippo, he would not hasten to tell you. Per Esi, Fanti men do not sugarcoat things. “Well,” she said, “I want an honest man but I cannot withstand that kind of brutal honesty – bordering on verbal abuse – on any basis!”

After trying to start a courtship predicated on stereotypes, she had no success. She eventually realized her folly and revised her strategy. This time, she approached the situation with an open mind! And she subsequently fell helplessly in love with a man without any regard to his race, origin, or perceived idiosyncrasies of his people. For, after all, what person of sound mind would accept, or reject, a possible life partner based on stereotypes?

Lola, Washington, DC