Opinions of Tuesday, 13 May 2014
Columnist: Kwarteng, Francis
Ethnic purity. Arrant nonsense! Racial purity. Utter nonsense! Cultural superiority. Complete nonsense! The Scarab Beetle, a seminal double-dyed polymathic African philosopher carved out of the Imhotepian cloth of intellectual concretion, once opined: “It is actually pure nonsense, not racial or ethnic purity, which once roamed the fast-receding shadows of the cosmic-soup world of the not-so-far ethno-animal past.” True? What then of superior nonsense, purportedly the philosophical cognate of pure nonsense, of emotional claptrap? That? Predictably!
Predictably what? That of what? That of that! Simple! What of that? Predictably? Possibly! Simple! Was The Scarab Beetle not intelligent, diligent, and prescient enough to have introduced the Avoidance of Discrimination Act in the body politic at the appropriate hour to nip the neonatal nation-state’s simmering ethnic volcanicity in the bud, “the bud” of social progressiveness and of national cohesion, while, predictably, possibly, simply, the perpetual losers, the she-ness she-men of self-hatred, of temperamental she-goat-ness, of “superior” inferiority complex, women-men full of spiritual Talibanism, even of bleeding emotional Afghanistanism, Komodo Dragon and Tasmanian Devil, Sir KA Busia and Sir JB Danquah, respectively, preached universal principles of terrorism hellfire and of national destruction?
The warlike ethno-animals! Those two failed states of she-men of tasteless maudlinism? Predictably possibly! Say what? What? Undoubtedly, the other half of the Siamese-Twins of political immorality, the identical twin-sister of ethno-racial purity, which in this case happened to be ethno-racial superiority, never ever existed anywhere either, not even in the wakeful ethereal culturalilty of ethno-human consciousness. Except in the close psychological cesspool of those pretentious hominids who wanted to make up for their deeply-entrenched inferiority complexes! Nope. Perhaps their deeply-entrenched “superior” inferiority complexes. Instead. Or, rather of their deeply-entrenched emotional buffoonery. Such intellectually misguided gargoyles of near-ethno-animal humanness lived exclusively in seeming ambulatory caves of intellectual inertness, a self-concept of intellectual speleology! Oh such great-little she-men agents of intellectual minstrelsy!
After all, ethno-racial superiority was manufactured in the social laboratory of inferiorized self-perception, seemingly, so to speak, to massage the bruised apple of self-sensed worthlessness and of ethno-racial de-centeredness, a spiritual infrastructure of interiorized non-beingness surrounded by an ocean of warm humanity. Yet they said they believed in the moral nothingness of ethno-racial purity, The Porcupine! Yet they said they represented the moral malarkey of ethno-racial superiority, The Porcupine! Whence came this gutter-idea, a debunked theoretical mirage of scientific racism, that The Porcupine was ever, even remotely ever, inferiorly “superior” to other ethno-animals, who, certainly were not immediately or directly culturally of The Porcupine?
Who even said The Sun was cosmologically superior to The Stars when The Sun itself was one of many stars, just another star? Did The Sun ever auditorially smell of the zinger that the cosmic presentiality of Eta Carinae, Betelgeuse, and VY Canis Majoris put The Sun in a cosmic straitjacket of unsightly rhetorical dwarfishness? Where were the scientific sureties for those misplaced and misguided perceptions of “superior” inferiority complexes? Did The Porcupine never know ethno-animal purity died way back with the advent of human geography, way back then when gutter-thinking was the order of the day? Who said there was another extinct animal called ethno-ethnic purity or ethno-racial superiority? Where? Which planet Earth?
Yet, the Hitlerite democrats, particularly, Komodo Dragon and Tasmanian Devil, the two infamous Gold Coast political deviants, would tear the constitutional lambskin on which the Avoidance of Discrimination Act surfed into social and political smithereens of moral non-beingness. Democratic patriots. Indeed! She-men of the forest past! What is more? More is simply that, that of a false sense of ethno-animal “inferior” superiority complex! Oh she-men of little minds! Ethno-racial superiority. Nonsense of the highest order. Moral stupidity of the highest order! That hard-hearted Ethnocentrism of emotional nothingness. That coolheaded Kleptomania of moral thievishness. What nonsense!
And then there came rushing like an avalanche of moral stupidity the Frankenstein visage of cultural, social, and political ethnocentrism. Another nonsense higher, even taller, than the sorry highest order of politico-cultural Twin-Towerism! In the absence of the Avoidance of Discrimination Act, that, however, became the major problem for the new nation-state. In other words, the glaring absentiality of the legal cat in the body politic gave the legal mouse cause for playful presentiality. Regardless! In fact, the moral issue as regards the warlike proclivities of The Porcupine as well as of his slave-raiding and Grasscutter-dung-plundering of The Salaga Market had come up for national discussion again, again, and yet again, more so because they constituted a blot on the collective conscience of The Porcupine, co-founding monarch of The Empire of Hollow Emptiness.
When was the protruding pregnancy of historical truth ever going to bare its haloed face via the Amazon Forest of childish lies, for there simply existed too many lies, an ocean of them, to perfectly fit the scorching cupped-palms of The Graveyard of the Nation of Lousy Monsters (TG-NLM), since Komodo Dragon could spit lies of consuming fire to the progressive nation of rebirth, the brainchild of The Scarab Beetle’s, through his blackened toothy-proboscis? Granted, in the not-too-distant past, The Porcupine, an animalized archive of historical falsehoods, had claimed he successfully led The Empire of Hollow Emptiness to resist The Cottonians, but, if truth be told, was it not The Scarab Beetle who actually chased them out in 1957 BC and then again in 1960 BC via his powerful presence of personality, sheer intelligence, and superb statesmanship?
Again, the Scarab Beetle, a man of exquisite civilizational taste with a sharp scientific mind, one of limitless analytic broadmindedness, introduced political and social hygiene in the new nation-state, even going to the farthest extent to impress upon The Porcupine to desist from eating the dung of Grasscutter as he himself had turned his back on it. He told The Porcupine to eat the Grasscutter meat instead, yet his socio-moral engineering ideas on national unity, a liberal project squarely aimed at improving the moral health of political socialization, shot past The Porcupine’s scientific ignorance like, like, they say, a Space-Shuttle carrying drunken monkeys fully dressed up in the military camouflage of immoral buffoonery. Oh great-little Tasmanian Devil and Komodo Dragon, she-men of little faith in themselves and in their coconut heads!
That? Maybe. But the dungy fermentation of The Porcupine’s mindset stood tall, very tall, as a stumbling block, a patent cause, not effect or symptom, of The Porcupine’s mental constipation! What? That is to say, the dungy fermentation of The Porcupine’s mind would eventually come to define the immediate cause of Tasmanian Devil’s, Komodo Dragon’s, and The Porcupine’s detestation of The Scarab Beetle. What? How? Eventually, the three clueless automatons rather fashioned a parallel city-state based on George Orwell’s “Animal Farm,” a pre-modern feudal model not very much different from an ethnocentric village zoo, a zoo where Sir JB Danquah’s “scholarly” works were caged like the “literary monkeys” they were.
What is more, the zoo housed a centuries-old museum called The Nation of Lousy Monsters (NLM), the museum-headquarters of white supremacy and of black “superior” inferiority complex, the same place where Sir JB Danquah’s lifelike taxidermy android was kept from the world due to his political and intellectual unpopularity. There, in that suffocating cage of political and intellectual otiosity, the social teensy-weensy Tasmanian Devil and Komodo Dragon along with the CIA plotted the overthrow of The Scarab Beetle, “Africa’s Man of the Millennium,” “The Greatest African,” the Millennium Excellence Foundation’s “2000 Personality of the Century,” recipient of United Nations’ Special Session 1978 Gold Medal Award, etc.
Here, there, we believe, was the new anthem of The Nation of Lousy Monsters (NLM), newly titled “Yen Akanfuo Ghetto Anthem”:
Yen Akanfuo, the mis-Chosen One;
We will bring the a-political weight of The Salaga Market to bear on national destruction by force of arms;
The Scarab Beetle taught us to eat Grasscutter meat, not Grasscutter dung;
How dare The Scarab Beetle!;
Who is The Scarab Beetle?;
Is he of royal blood? Who he be?;
Has he ever known or tasted the terrorist dark-milk of city-statehood, a misguided city-statehood as she-powerful as the cowardly stinking fart of The Empire of Hollow Emptiness?;
No. No. No. Who he be?;
Go ask the NLM, the Great Grandmaster of the Lord’s Resistance Army, the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, Ansaru, and Al-Shabab, Mr. The Scarab Beetle!;
We will replace Grasscutter meat;
With the meat of Ewes and Gas;
Who will be the abattoir, the slaughterhouse?;
We Yen Akanfuo, the mis-Chosen One;
Who will be the butcher?;
We Yen Akanfuo, the mis-Chosen One;
We will show the Ewes and Gas what “All Die Be Die” is all about;
Go ask Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa and Sergeant Samuel Doe!;
If only the Ewes and Gas knew “All Die Be Die” is reincarnation of our slave-raiding and Grasscutter-dung-plundering activities on The Salaga Market!;
We Yen Akanfuo, the superior mis-Chosen One!
Who he be, The Scarab Beetle!
Thus, the radical changes The Scarab Beetle had wanted to and did in fact introduce in the body politic seamlessly translated into an anti-people philosophy on the part of those two self-styled royal frauds, Tasmanian Devil and Komodo Dragon, who openly hid under the banner of anti-people democratic dictatorship to foment trouble in the body politic. The simple truth was that their anti-modernity, their anti-civilization nature blinded them to existential realities and benefits of intellectual modernization, all because of the heavy incrustation of Grasscutter dung deep within the pinkie walls of their emotional psychologies. What of The Past, of The Present, of The Present, Today, I, You, Methinks…? That was obviously someone else’s problems to tackle. Mental weakness. Always deferring Today to of The Past or of The Past to Today!
Still, intellectually and politically, The Scarab Beetle stood as tall as the Twin-Tower sky-touching height of the Great Mountain Kilimanjaro, light-years away from them, Komodo Dragon, Tasmanian Devil, and The Porcupine, politico-intellectual midgets and weak proponents of political and intellectual otherism. That was another a-tonic source, namely, implicit and explicit expressive salvoes of blind jealousy visibly fired at The Scarab Beetle, probably the “purest” vestige of African ethno-humanity and ethno-spirituality, that, in spite of his spiritual balance sheet of foibles and political debits. “Ghetto Scholars,” “Zongo Scholars,” or “Village Scholars” some well-respected public intellectuals called Sir JB Danquah and Sir KA Busia. Oops! Tasmanian Devil and Komodo Dragon. Respectively. Others, however, merely referred to them as “Some Scholars.” “Simplicity,” they say, “is a sign of intelligence!”
Yet, as soon as they overthrew The Scarab Beetle with the aid of the Conmen In America (CIA) claiming all sorts of flimsy excuses, including of the widespread political abuses of Preventing Destruction of Africa (PDA), they, members of the Nation of Lousy Conmen (NLC), quickly replaced the people’s PDA, a law of the land, with their own version, the Protective Custody Decree (PCD), as well as with their own version of military democratic dictatorship, even jailing more of the people under the PCD than under the PDA. As a point of illustration, citizens of the new nation-state built by The Scarab Beetle recalled Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa’s secret letter to General Ignatius Kutu Acheampong in which he apprehensively wrote: “I feel greatly disturbed about the future after your government. I have heard from certain quarters of the C.P.P. threats, which they will execute after 1979. In other to discourage the military from staging coups in the future, how about if they line us all up and shoot us one by one?”
What a great Johannine prophecy of becomingness! If he, the cowardly all-powerful Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa, knew what he had done was morally right, what and who was he afraid of even as he admitted elsewhere: “Then they would disband the Ghana Army; but I do not certainly want to be arrested, given some sort of trial and shot. These are my genuine fears…I wish sincerely to let you know that I am worried about the future. So many hard and unpleasant things were said about me by the people of this country when they had the opportunity, the very people who hailed me in 1966. Consequently, I decided that politics would be the last thing that I would do in my life. But I would be a stupid General if I would sit in the comfort of my farms to await the VENGEANCE that is about to be unleashed on us.”
How could a supposedly intelligent Geronimo, a military general, see clouds of shards, a wide spread of broken bottles, and still step into them barefoot as phallus digs deep into pundic silt of ejaculatory elation? This is a sad admission of spiritual, moral, and intellectual weakness, typical of Tasmanian Devil and Komodo Dragon. The question was: Did this man, that boastful man of yesteryear, of The Past, of The Present, of The Future, Methinks, I, Some, of un-ordinary situation of yesteryear, A, You, An, and Today, see himself as a “stupid General” in a dream, trance, or drunken stupor? He continued: “I have decided to be in the next Parliament in 1979 to protect myself and those who were associated with the 1966 coup…My dear brother and friend these are my fears…But the Almighty God is the supreme ruler of all. Let us pray for Him without ceasing. He alone gives protection. I will pray to him to take away the fear and the confusion weighing on my mind now.”
Was this really the epistolary confidence of a sensate man whose forebears had slave-raided and Grasscutter-dung-plundered The Salaga Market with reckless abandon? Was this cowardly trembling-voice the sisterly brother of the same misguided oral-cavity that once declared the “All Die Be Die” and “Akans should kill Gas and Ewes” mantras? Why was he suddenly afraid of the Yen Akanfuo national anthem “All Die Be Die,” the so-called “Yen Akanfuo Ghetto Anthem”? What happened to the fiery lyrical tongue of OKATAKYIE Captain Planet? Why did Yaa Asaasewaa, the incestuous “war” he-mother of OKATAKYIE Captain Planet, transplant the historical gene of The-Salaga-Market slave-raiding and Grasscutter-dung-plundering gene to her she-bastard-son, a wormy Grasscutter known for his cowardly epistolary predispositions?
Why did Yaa Asaasewaa, herself a militant proponent of the slave-raiding and Grasscutter-dung-plundering activities in The Salaga Market, bequeath her plundering-gene to The Porcupine, Tasmanian Devil, Komodo Dragon, and her incestuous bastard-son of yesteryear, as it were, by way of driving them to steal Ghana’s wealth, here and there, left and right, front and back, east and west, north and south, and hiding them in The Silver Stool of Lies, the so-called Golden Jubilee House and paramount sit of The Porcupine, a symbol of political kleptomania, ethnocentrism, spiritual emptiness, and “superior” inferiority complex? That? A man of The Past. Of The Present. Of The Future. Of A. Of I. Of You. Of Methinks…
As a matter of fact, The Porcupine even stole SADA, GYEEDA, Ghana Airways-DA, Ghana Telecom-DA, Ghana@50-DA, Ghana Black Gold (E & O)-DA, EPA-DA, GMO-DA, Nepotism-DA, Galamsey-DA, Ethnocentrism-DA, Hotel Kuffour-DA, Judgment Debts-DA, DUMSOR DUMSOR-DA, Cronyism-DA, DA, DA, DA…and DA! Why did the Mo Ibrahim Foundation ignored Ex-President John Kuffour in connection with The Ibrahim Prize for Achievement in African Leadership? Where was Yaa Asaasewaa in all these? Where was OKATAKYIE Captain Planet in all these? Where was The Empire of Hollow Emptiness in all these? Where was The Porcupine, the political scallywag, in all these? Where was The Silver Stool of Lies, the Golden Jubilee House, so-called, a massive psychiatric-house of political corruption raised by Admiral John Coiffure, otherwise called Sir John the Baptist, a charcoal-black native son of The Porcupine, Yaa Asaasewaa, Tasmanian Devil, Komodo Dragon, and OKATAKYIE Captain Planet, the cowardly she-ness of a she-man, in all these?
SADA? Stealing Arrests Development of Africa. GYEEDA? Greed Yapness Eats/Erodes Development of Africa. GHANA? Greed Hormone Arrests National Development. DA? Devious Afrifa. The suffix “DA,” Twi “da” for “sleep,” also meant “Destroying Africa,” “Destruction of Africa,” or the orthographic reversal of “Arrested Development.” In effect, “DA” was the slave-raiding and Grasscutter-dung-plundering gene which Yaa Asaasewaa, The Salaga Market slave raider along with her clique of eagle-eyed Cottonian slavers, bequeathed to the bastard-son progeny of Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa, thereby turning the forest people of animals into a political avalanche of stealing and thieving scallywags.
Then, after The Porcupine, Geronimo Akwasi Afrifa, Yaa Asaasewaa, Komodo Dragon, and Tasmanian Devil had assassinated The Empire of Fullness and The Empire of Fulfillment, both built from ground level up to the heavenly skies by The Scarab Beetle, and had them replaced with The Empire of Hollow Emptiness, namely, an Empire of Barrenness, a psychological nothingness squeezed out of the vaginal weeping-blood of other ethno-animals in the material likeness of The Porcupine, innocent he-men, he-women, and he-children from The Salaga Market, Geronimo Akwasi, particularly, would cry over that ghost, that ghost of The Empire of Fulfillment and of The Empire of Fullness. That ghost, that ghost of yesteryear, of The Past, of The Future, of The Present. Of Today. Of I. Of You. Of A. Of An. Of Some...
That ghost of greatness, of unimaginable foresight, of prescience, of unparalleled spiritual musicality was gone. Gone forever. That ghostly presence of personality was gone and gone forever. “You shall surely come looking for me in the whirlwind of your dark days!” were his final parting words of great prophecy!
We shall return….