When a Madman Grabs the Bather by the Balls

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I have been perusing his desultory and fetid articles for sometime now, but have resolutely concluded that the contents of his “themes” – for they are largely too piddling to be considered as articles – are hardly worth the computer screen on which they are scrawled before being posted on Ghanaweb.com.

First of all, who ever heard of a veritable and vintage heir of the democratically oriented UP Tradition being cavalierly presumed to be a stranger in his own household by an outsider who also fervidly claims to be heir to the Danquah-Busia Tradition? And then, what chutzpah, for the benighted latter-day convert to impugn the political and intellectual puissance of, perhaps, the best-qualified heir to ever assume the flagbearership of the Danquah-Busia Tradition?

For me, such clinically addled posture smacks of the outright schizophrenic. And this is why I readily regarded the NPP-USA Media Committee’s rejoinder to the madman (Ghanaweb.com 4/22/08) to be patently and unpardonably ill-advised.

For not only was the comical Madman of Bronx, New York, able to correctly and, almost, competently diagnose that, indeed, the NPP-USA Media Committee’s rejoinder woefully lacked precisely the very dictional and mechanical facility, as well as felicity, of which the Committee’s membership lividly faulted their nemesis, the Arch-SOB also incredulously and facilely succeeded in reducing the political acumen of the Media Committee members to his level. And, of course, to frankly observe this to be rather pathetic amounts to merely pointing out the epically understated.

On a personal note, though, one thing ought to be heartily celebrated: and it is the fact of yours truly being auspiciously dislodged from both his otherwise enviable membership of the NPP-USA Media Committee, as well as the prompt renunciation of his membership of the Grand, Old Party itself. Of course, by the latter descriptive, I am merely recalling the seminal status of the Danquah-Grant Tradition of the United Gold Coast Convention (UGCC), the indisputable matrix of modern Ghanaian politics.

The United Party (UP), out of which the Madman makes undue capital, to be certain, was an oppositional ideological force inadvertently cobbled together by CPP dictatorship. It was actually meant to sound the definitive death-knell of any legitimate and viable opposition to the pseudo-socialist ideological “Unitarianism” of the shamelessly tautological Convention People’s Party (CPP).

And, indeed, had the membership of the NPP-USA Media Committee been self-assured and forthright, it could also have significantly observed, to the blistering shame of the South-Bronx Lunatic, that the only Akyem member of the Media Committee was yours truly, who was also summarily expelled for daring to confront some camouflage-decking NPP-ites who may well be trucking with the Madman of South Bronx at half-past-midnight, diurnally!

It is also interesting for the South-Bronx Lunatic to slobber thusly: “The question is; [sic] who is Akufo[-]Addo?” And the simple riposte would be for any patriotic and charitable Ghanaian to readily draw a crispy Cedi note out of his/her wallet/purse and point to that Oxbridge scholar of Mathematics and Philosophy (or Mathematical-Philosophy) with at once the shortest and firmest neck among the noble ranks of the “BIG SIX.”

You see, the last game in which one wants to indulge is to recklessly allow oneself to be publicly led by the nose by a madman who cannot even spell his own name correctly. And on the latter score, yours truly in, absolutely, no way begrudges the membership of the NPP-USA Media Committee its democratic right to be resoundingly vilified and have their pates casually defecated upon by a sylvan troglodyte.

Needless to say, whenever I come across such poor excuses for humanity, as the Madman of South Bronx, I promptly kick them in both their groin and their butts with my pointy shoes. Of course, while I was growing up in Ghana, those pointy shoes were called “I Swear God.” Then again, how does one “Swear God” before such satanic pest of a political maggot, except to rain thunder and lightning on the wretch?

It is also obstreperously amusing for the Bronx Lunatic to invoke the name of Mr. Alan Kyerematen in furtherance of his cretinous agenda, even while also accusing the NPP flagbearer of micro-nationalism which, in essence, farcically amounts to brazenly attempting to box with one’s own shadow. Then again, after all, isn’t this certified SOB a comical lunatic?

In any case, the last time that I studiously followed the drug saga in Ghana, the cocaine trail led into the high-walled palace of Chief Dzelukope, not Ofori-Panyinfie or Manhyia, in spite of what those incarnadine scumbags would have the rest of their countrymen and women believe. Another trail also led to the East-Legon home of a Colombian drug-kingpin buddy of Chief Dzelukope.

Stop screaming your scatological screams, in my face, about anybody aiming to write for “Common Ghanaian readers,” unless, of course, as I have always suspected ever since I first came across your name and your maggot-infected Internet screams, you stole your oversized title of “Nana” from an unsuspecting Asuofua chief. The poor chief (need I divulge?) was fast asleep!

*Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr., Ph.D., is Associate Professor of English, Journalism and Creative Writing at Nassau Community College of the State University of New York, Garden City. He is the author of 16 books, including “Dr. J. B. Danquah: Architect of Modern Ghana” (iUniverse.com, 2005). E-mail: [email protected].