You'll never marry if you're waiting to be absolutely sure

... he/she is the one

I was at a youth camp meeting held by our Church on this day and I walked in late to the chapel after the praise worship had started. I was having a great time in God’s presence as the praise worship was great, but, I looked up as if paying attention for the first time to the praise worship leader.

I notice he was a young man like myself, handsome for sure and sold out to worship. I caught myself admiring him and I became angry at the praise worship leader for comporting himself in such manner that could earn admiration from an innocent sister like myself.

While still at the camp, I met this brother again in the kitchen the next day.

I was no longer angry with him this time around because he greeted me nicely, asked for my name and he introduced himself. We got talking endlessly and saw more of each other for the rest of the camping program. We stayed in touch after camp, became very good friends, maximized every opportunity to meet at future programs and exchanged letters through other brethren.

Prior to meeting Adeyemi, I had this personal motto I apply in dealing with the opposite sex, ‘define every relationship from the start’; this is so that I don’t keep the hopes of anyone high unnecessarily. However, when I met Adeyemi, I was not confident to confront him with my questions on defining the relationship because I liked our friendship and I did not mind keeping his hopes up either.

After some six or eight months of being very good friends, Adeyemi made his intentions known and asked me if I would like to be in a relationship with him. Of course, I said no. He asked me why and although I always had an answer to such question in the past I didn’t have an answer this time. He chose to remain my friend and did not bother me again.

I had so many reasons to accept his proposal immediately; he met all my prior definitions of an ideal spouse, he is a Christian, I am beginning to really like him and I had prayed and sought counsel. But, I still was not sure he is the one and I wanted to be sure by all means.

Six months after the proposal I invited him for a discussion and I told him I was ready to start a relationship with him. We got married approximately six years after and have been married for another six years.

I will gladly without hesitation put up my hands if there was a roll call for those who made the right decision about who to marry. But, I will also confess to you that I did not choose to accept Adeyemi’s proposal because I was absolutely sure he was the one for me. I did all that I needed to do and when I still was not sure he is the one, I waited for a while to be sure what I was feeling was not infatuation and then I took a leap of faith.

I am often asked ‘how do I know he/she is the one for me’? My usual answer is, ‘you will never be completely sure’. What you need to do is take every precaution necessary; define your spouse before you meet the person so that you can have more clarity when deciding, seek God for direction, speak to a counselor and get to know the person. After you have done all that you could and the only thing wrong is that you are not sure, take a leap of faith and get started with the relationship. It requires faith to commit into anything in life, including a relationship.